mehh.
Lim Kan Wei
22/04/1989
Nan Hua Secondary School
Ngee Ann Polytechnic
Enlisting on Sept 11 1130hr.
Monday, November 24, 2008 @ 12:21 AM
is love that influential on a person's life?
so much so that one who can't be bothered with relationships, and don't understand how someone can fall for another person will actually end up putting emo lyrics in his msn personal message.
not a very convincing example, but it's significant enough when you actually know the person.
okay, as much as i've seen, i can't deny that people can change for love, but i don't think i've that happen to me yet. or maybe i'm just oblivious to my change or that i'm only changing gradually that no one seem to be able to notice.
but anyway, that's not what i wanted to blog about.
i've been feeling contradictory these days, which isn't really uncommon for me. =/
that i wish for things to stay the way they are, in terms of my relationships with the people around me.
but part of me wishes for things to be different.
i can't say how, but just.. different.
probably for things to be a lot more simple than how it is right now.
it's tiring when you go out with a bunch of friends and you actually have to keep thinking of what to say and what not to say, to build up a facade and to pretend that you're enjoying the conversation when you're not.
it's hypocritical of me, yes. but am i supposed to just be blunt and cause conflicts?
you can call me a coward and i won't be able to refute the accusation, seeing how i've always dealt with things, especially in relationships.
i've always this hidden fear of letting people around me know about my true self, hence i always seem to be infallible - that i can laugh off just about any disappointments, that i am very knowledgable, that i'm matured. but i'm just as strong as any average person. at most, i can think a little more logical than the average person and i can play around with words to guise my intents, but in the end, it only serves for me to build up the walls around me higher and higher.
people who always hang around with me, can roughly tell how i behave, but i doubt anyone of them is able to tell me how i feel. keke. well, that's pretty sad in a way. but i've lived with it for 19 years, no? guess i can survive with that. =/
and i want to complain.
it is seriously stupid when you work with a bunch of people for group work, then someone is busy surfing net, talking cock, etc while you're sitting beside, figuring out how to solve the problems, following the instructions.
that itself is alright, but then it is his turn to do his part, you ask him to do, and he has the cheek to ask what command? so you get irritated and yell at him, 'read the fucking paper la!' then he will reply, 'you tell me faster la.', then you keep silent and he begins flipping the pages and finally ask 'which step?'. so you relent and tell him in order to get things done faster. -.-
then now that the tests are coming and he begins to get all nervous about it and asks for the case studies' configurations and when are the tests held on. good job eh.
ah fuck it. i'm bitching so much that i already feel like i'm one myself.
and yeah, these are the few reasons that i wish for things to change.
or else i think i'll just snap and.. do something reckless, probably.
who knows.
all i can do is to steal glances at you and hope
to catch a glimpse of your smile.
for it is the meal for my soul.
and how i wish i could do so much more.
yet the time comes and my feet go cold.
if only i am closer to you a little more.
to treat you more preciously than gold.
when things don't go well for you anymore.
do know that my hand is here for you to hold.
-wake @ 0149 24 Nov 2008
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